2004-01-21 - 6:50 p.m.

I can still enjoy sex at 74 - I live at 75 so it's no distance.

Toy Boat

Such a small and simple noun within the English vernacular. It showcases nothing but a tiny adjective that creates a more descriptive environment to aid its presumably humble intentions. However, this inconspicuous little footnote in the wide world of written languages has an unlikely little secret. A so called “ancient legend” states that if anyone were to udder the secret spell of toy boat, disaster would be sure to follow their shadow. Such disasters are said to include blitzkrieg attacks, un-amusing frustration, and a barrage to their tongue...three times fast.

This so called ‘toy’ has secretly become one of the most deadly weapons the English have ever assembled.

Within the span of two or three seconds, an unsuspecting target could likely find themselves jumping into a linguist’s nightmare; a nightmare that was at one time thought to be their ticket to becoming the master enunciator of their immediate surroundings, yet was only leading their Napoleon complex toward gargantuan oversights. Their fate would be inked in, and simply would read aloud that they will crash and burn to the delight of twisty monikers throughout the nation. Oh toy boat, what a force you have become!

So...if we’re going to use calculators in class, why don’t we get to use strobe lights? I think that’s the sexiest proposition I’ve had since I suggested we used our rulers for other things...architectural graphing silly.

The Amazing Spider-Man - Web of Spider-Man